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How to write like James Patterson

Who wouldn't want to be James Patterson. He's written a million novels, lights his cigarettes with dead presidents and has a hot wife. But he's just a writer like me. No difference, except he's written a million novels, lights his cigarettes with dead presidents and has a hot wife. (My wife's pretty hot too.)
Anyway, I've read a few of his books and they're nothing special so I decided to copy his style and possibly collaborate with him on his novel of the week. This is what it would look like:

 Who Sat Down Beside Her,
 by James Patterson and Me

Chapter 1 –   They met online. After a torrid Ether relationship, they decided to meet in one of those expensive coffee shops. Mildred was a demure librarian, who though quite attractive, wore loose-fitting clothes. He sat across from her and spit chew into his Styrofoam cup. Although he was fat, balding, and wore a trench coat in Toys are Us store aisles, she felt she could trust him. This could be the one.
Chapter 2 –  He bought two cups of mocha latte with whip cream and those little slivers of chocolate that, oh my God, taste so good.  “Enjoy,” the young cashier, who had a nose ring and was so gross that they shouldn’t allow him to work in such a fancy place, said. Mildred stood and their eyes met. He took her cup from her, placed it on the table, and they …
Chapter 3 –   … embraced. She bumped into his belly at first, then slid kind of sideways into him. Then she felt the knife. Her heart sank about three and a half inches.
Chapter 4 –   “So, now you know the truth!” he exclaimed, pulled the knife from his belt, then flashed it in front of the frightened Mildred. Dear God, it was her greatest fear, a serial killer about to kill again. How she knew he was a serial killer and not just a first-time killer was a mystery to her, but regardless, she was cancelling her Facebook account.
Chapter 5 –   He raised the knife to thrust it into her chest.
Chapter 6 –   He brought the knife down to thrust it into her chest. This was when Mildred thanked God she was an orphan raised by Asian parents who taught martial arts. All her father’s wise words at the breakfast table came back to her just as poignant as they had been when she was a toddler. “Feel the power of the tiger, child. Become one with your mind to overcome your foe. Eat your corn flakes or no banana for you!” Mildred leaped in the air and struck the man’s neck with the bony part of her instep.
Chapter 7 –   The antagonist stood, momentarily dazed by the blow. He had that look on his face like the Coyote did after the giant rubber band flung him into the face of the hill instead of the Roadrunner. He collapsed into a heap, the spit cup resting against his side.
Chapter 8 –   Mildred stared at the lifeless corpse (isn’t that redundant?) and was calmed by the handsome detective.
Chapter 9 through chapter 237 –   The usual love story, dramatic climax, etc. yada-yada-yada.
Chapter 238 –  As she walked out hand in hand with Detective Glock, a cold hand grabbed her ankle. She spun, removed the detective’s gun from his holster, and emptied it into the once-thought lifeless corpse. 
Well, there you go. An immediate best seller if I can convince James Patterson to co-write with me.


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My new novel, published by Black Opal Books:

After the attack on Pearl Harbor, the United States government encouraged all eligible young men to enlist immediately in the fight against its enemies overseas. All eligible young men except Japanese-Americans.Nisei is the story of Hideo Bobby Takahashi, a Hawaiian-born Japanese-American who must overcome prejudice, internment, and the policies of his own government to prove his loyalty to his country.Narrated by Bobby Takahashi and read by his son, Robert, 46 years after Bobby’s death, the story details the young Nisei’s determination to fight honorably for his country and return to the young love he was forced to leave, a girl he cannot have because she is white. Nisei on Amazon


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Deviant Acts

October 12, 2015 00

My newest novel, Deviant Acts, was released November 14. . My publisher sent galleys of the book to well-known reviewers like, Kirkus, Publishers Weekly, and Book Page. I paid for the postage and the cost of the galleys, so I hope they did, anyway. I really don't expect to be reviewed by the big boys and girls, though I believe the book is written well enough and has a good enough story to consider a review. But then again, like all other authors, I'm in love with my writing. A natural progression for authors is that your first hate your writing, then you doubt it, and then you love it. The doubt it stage usually produces the best work. I wrote Deviant Acts when I was in my doubt it stage, but now I love it. I know. I'm as confused as you are.
 What is the origin of this book? How did it surface from the goo of my brain? When I sire a novel it usually comes from actual events I've experienced, or from current and historical events that others have e…