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J.J. White's Ten More Rules Of Writing (with apologies to Elmore Leonard)

The Great Elmore

  1. Do not start writing until you've had two beers.
  2. Do not write after you've had three beers.
  3. As long as you are killing your darlings, kill the rest of your crap with them.
  4. Try to copy anyone's writing style but your own.
  5. Do not use Microsoft Word's 'Find and Replace' to remove all words ending in LY. (I lost an Elly, a Molly and a French Airport that way.)
  6. If you get writer's block, add a sex scene.
  7. If the literary agents say your novel is shallow and pedantic, tell them it's Y.A.
  8. Chewing your pencil is not writing with passion.
  9. If you are writing a politically correct novel, use [he or she said] for all your attributions.
  10. If you want conflict in your writing, ask your spouse to read it.


  1. Dang, here I thought if I sharpened my teeth on a pencil, I had that, je ne sais quoi--next you'll be telling me I shouldn't wear my beret!

    1. Rule 11 - Only best-selling authors and balding rock stars can wear berets.


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Also, my story The Adventure of the Nine Hole League was published in the Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine #13