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My White Trash Picture Learnin' Book

I was thinking about writing an irreverent picture book. Here's the start of it. I would appreciate any comments, threats, suggestions, thoughts.  Thanks to both of you readers ahead of time. John


MY WHITE TRASH PICTURE LEARNIN' BOOK

By Karrielynn Jackson
 
 
This is my White Trash Picture Learnin' Book and I am six and I have two brothers and 1 sister and none of 'em knowd as much as me.
 
 
Cipherin'
 
There are 4 things on the kitchen counter an one of  'em is dead.
 
The others you kin eat.
 
If Becky et one and Joshua et another, and the dead one is still dead, how many do you got left?
 
Answer: One-that ain't dead.
 
 
Animal Sounds
 
Neighbor's dogs go Bark, Bark, Bark and don't never goddamn shut up.
 
 
Cats go Purr, Purr, Purr 'cept when your daddy throwd them off a bridge in a pillowcase.
 
 
Armadillers are for hittin' with the truck and don't say nothin'.
 
 
Hogs squeal Oink, Oink, Oink and r hard as hell to trap.
 
 
 
 
Fun Facts
 
 
 
If you hang meat from a rope and tell a Pit Bull to go on and chomp on it, that Pit Bull will jump up and chomp on it and never let go of it, lest you tell 'em to let go. They'll just hang there till they die.
 
 
Momma's Ecernomics
 
 
1. You send the check you wrote to pay the power company to the phone company.
 
2. You send the check you wrote to pay the phone company to the power company.
 
By the time they send 'em back and say you mixed 'em up, you done got your paycheck to pay 'em anyways.
 
 

 



Comments

  1. Hysterical, or should I say, gosh-darned shittin' me funnny.
    Keep it up. Certainly unique.
    Y'all aiming dis un at de wate trash? Dey might use it fer lernin.
    -Arthur

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Arthur,
      I thought your scientist persona was a ruse. You speak the white trash vernacular a little too well. Hmm.

      Delete
  2. Haven't come across this pertickler genre before but love the humour as always! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a local thing (white trash). I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Everything in the post happened. The genre is writing Children's Picture Books for Adults. We can make fun of the kids but we won't let them read it.

      Delete

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