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These are translations of conversations. The first part is what they actually said, while the translation part is what they actually meant.

Husband and Wife:

Him: Are you going shopping tomorrow?

Translation: I want to play golf.

Her: No, I thought it’d be nice if we spent the day together.

Translation: You want to play golf.

Him: Oh.

Translation: Damn.

Her: I heard there’s a good movie on at the mall.

Translation: Three hours for the movie, then a walk around the mall, then dinner, some place nice for a change.

Him: I told the guys I might be busy.

Translation: I want to play golf.

Her: Good. They can get by without you one time.

Translation: You play every damn Saturday!

Him: Although they did book a tee time for four already.

Translation: I want to play golf.

Her: If you really want to go, then go.

Translation: I know the divorce laws in Florida.

Him: No, that’s okay. I’d rather spend the day with you.

Translation: Maybe I could get the guys to change the tee time to Sunday.

Dog and Master:

Dog: Woof

Translation: I want food and I want to go outside and poop.

Master: How’s my puppy? You hungry, boy? You hungry? Puppy boy hungry?

Translation: Same.

Dog: Woof

Translation: I want food, and I want to go outside and poop, and I want to go without a leash and chase every animal I see.

Master: That’s a good boy. That’s a good boy. You like it when I scratch behind your ears, don’t you boy? Good boy. Good Puppy Wuppy.

Translation: Same.

Dog: Woof

Translation: Oh yes, that’s it. Right there. I love it. God help me, I love it.

Old Man and Young Cashier:

Old Man: I have coupons for some of those items.

Translation: If the store didn’t charge so much, they wouldn’t need coupons.

Young Cashier: Oh, yes, sir. I’ll deduct them at the end.

Translation: You could have told me at the beginning.

Old Man: Put back one of the tuna fish. I’m not sure I have enough money.

Translation: We haven’t had a Social Security cost-of-living increase in four years thanks to those politicians you kids voted in.

Young Cashier: Yes, sir.

Translation: They have a new innovation called credit cards. Check it out with your friends at the home sometime when you get a chance.

Old Man: What’s the damage?

Translation: What are you robbers overcharging me for the groceries?

Young Cashier: Eighteen forty two.

Translation: Ironically, the amount shown on the display screen right in front of you, if you would just look!

Old Man: Why, when I was your age the cashier had to figure out the change by herself. No machine did it for her.

Translation: My generation was smarter.

Young Cashier: Yes, it’s a lot easier nowadays.

Translation: Did they even have money when you were my age?


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My new novel, published by Black Opal Books:

After the attack on Pearl Harbor, the United States government encouraged all eligible young men to enlist immediately in the fight against its enemies overseas. All eligible young men except Japanese-Americans.Nisei is the story of Hideo Bobby Takahashi, a Hawaiian-born Japanese-American who must overcome prejudice, internment, and the policies of his own government to prove his loyalty to his country.Narrated by Bobby Takahashi and read by his son, Robert, 46 years after Bobby’s death, the story details the young Nisei’s determination to fight honorably for his country and return to the young love he was forced to leave, a girl he cannot have because she is white. Nisei on Amazon


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Also, my story The Adventure of the Nine Hole League was published in the Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine #13


Deviant Acts

October 12, 2015 00

My newest novel, Deviant Acts, was released November 14. . My publisher sent galleys of the book to well-known reviewers like, Kirkus, Publishers Weekly, and Book Page. I paid for the postage and the cost of the galleys, so I hope they did, anyway. I really don't expect to be reviewed by the big boys and girls, though I believe the book is written well enough and has a good enough story to consider a review. But then again, like all other authors, I'm in love with my writing. A natural progression for authors is that your first hate your writing, then you doubt it, and then you love it. The doubt it stage usually produces the best work. I wrote Deviant Acts when I was in my doubt it stage, but now I love it. I know. I'm as confused as you are.
 What is the origin of this book? How did it surface from the goo of my brain? When I sire a novel it usually comes from actual events I've experienced, or from current and historical events that others have e…