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Translations



These are translations of conversations. The first part is what they actually said, while the translation part is what they actually meant.


Husband and Wife:

Him: Are you going shopping tomorrow?

Translation: I want to play golf.


Her: No, I thought it’d be nice if we spent the day together.

Translation: You want to play golf.


Him: Oh.

Translation: Damn.


Her: I heard there’s a good movie on at the mall.

Translation: Three hours for the movie, then a walk around the mall, then dinner, some place nice for a change.


Him: I told the guys I might be busy.

Translation: I want to play golf.


Her: Good. They can get by without you one time.

Translation: You play every damn Saturday!


Him: Although they did book a tee time for four already.

Translation: I want to play golf.


Her: If you really want to go, then go.

Translation: I know the divorce laws in Florida.


Him: No, that’s okay. I’d rather spend the day with you.

Translation: Maybe I could get the guys to change the tee time to Sunday.




Dog and Master:

Dog: Woof

Translation: I want food and I want to go outside and poop.


Master: How’s my puppy? You hungry, boy? You hungry? Puppy boy hungry?

Translation: Same.


Dog: Woof

Translation: I want food, and I want to go outside and poop, and I want to go without a leash and chase every animal I see.


Master: That’s a good boy. That’s a good boy. You like it when I scratch behind your ears, don’t you boy? Good boy. Good Puppy Wuppy.

Translation: Same.


Dog: Woof

Translation: Oh yes, that’s it. Right there. I love it. God help me, I love it.



Old Man and Young Cashier:


Old Man: I have coupons for some of those items.

Translation: If the store didn’t charge so much, they wouldn’t need coupons.


Young Cashier: Oh, yes, sir. I’ll deduct them at the end.

Translation: You could have told me at the beginning.


Old Man: Put back one of the tuna fish. I’m not sure I have enough money.

Translation: We haven’t had a Social Security cost-of-living increase in four years thanks to those politicians you kids voted in.


Young Cashier: Yes, sir.

Translation: They have a new innovation called credit cards. Check it out with your friends at the home sometime when you get a chance.


Old Man: What’s the damage?

Translation: What are you robbers overcharging me for the groceries?


Young Cashier: Eighteen forty two.

Translation: Ironically, the amount shown on the display screen right in front of you, if you would just look!


Old Man: Why, when I was your age the cashier had to figure out the change by herself. No machine did it for her.

Translation: My generation was smarter.


Young Cashier: Yes, it’s a lot easier nowadays.

Translation: Did they even have money when you were my age?



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