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Showing posts from May, 2012

J.J. White's Ten More Rules Of Writing (with apologies to Elmore Leonard)

The Great Elmore
Do not start writing until you've had two beers.Do not write after you've had three beers.As long as you are killing your darlings, kill the rest of your crap with them.Try to copy anyone's writing style but your own.Do not use Microsoft Word's 'Find and Replace' to remove all words ending in LY. (I lost an Elly, a Molly and a French Airport that way.)If you get writer's block, add a sex scene.If the literary agents say your novel is shallow and pedantic, tell them it's Y.A.Chewing your pencil is not writing with passion.If you are writing a politically correct novel, use [he or she said] for all your attributions.If you want conflict in your writing, ask your spouse to read it.

Read This Short Story Without Crying And I'll Pay You A Dollar.

If you can read this whole short story without crying, I'll send you a dollar. Of course, you'll be admitting you have no heart. My e-mail is
She Dances on Her Toes
By John. J. White
Emily was an imp. It took us a while to figure that out, about six months. Our first child, so naturally, we wanted as much documentation as possible; photographs, recordings, portraits and anything else proud parents could think of to show off their new child.1

We probably did everything wrong: spoiled her, worried over her, but we were children ourselves, or at least we felt like children.2

For some reason we thought we needed an oil portrait of the family. The artist gave up trying to pose us after Emily wormed out of Jennie's lap for the twelfth time, so we had a photo taken and the artist used it for the oil painting.3

A week later, I received a call.4

"Mr. Campbell," the artist said. "I've pretty much finished with the portrait if you want to come and take…

Why the Avengers movie sucks

What does the Avengers movie have to do with writing, you ask. I'll tell you. Like all good novels (and movies) you want to tell a story in three acts. This movie follows that outline closely without straying outside the lines too much. In your first act, you must have a life changing event that throws your character(s) into chaos or else you'll have a very short story. In the second act, your protagonist better be up to speed and the trouble better escalate. In the third act, things should have come to a boil with seemingly no hope in sight until your protagonist comes to the rescue and saves the day.

Okay, The Avengers did that. (Spoiler Alert) The evil bastard, Loki gets orders to destroy the Earth from some ugly dude with a bad case of gingivitis. Things go bad when he steals some secret Rubik’s cube that has more power than a Solyndra solar farm. S.H.I.E.L.D. gathers my old heroes from the sixties, when comic books were my life, and now, with the formidable team of Ironm…