Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Latest White Trash Picture Learnin' Book Update and other stuff of little interest

I recently was notified my story, The League Of Homely Women, won an honorable mention from Writers Digest.

My novel, Nisei, won second place in the SouthWest Writers 31st Annual Contest.

Announcement: I will be giving an hour long talk on my book: Death's Twisted Tales at the Palm Bay Library on 01/08/2014 at 6:30 PM. I will serve my wife's chocolate chip cookies and will be passing out free books and free toys and no-doze.





Addendum to My White Trash Picture Learnin' Book:


MY WHITE TRASH PICTURE LEARNIN' BOOK

By Karrielynn Jackson





This is my White Trash Picture Learnin' Book and I am six and I have two brothers and 1 sister and none of 'em knowd as much as me.



Cipherin'

There are 4 things on the kitchen counter an one of  'em is dead.






The others you kin eat.

If Becky et one and Joshua et another, and the dead one is still dead, how many do you got left?

Answer: One-that ain't dead.


Animal Sounds

Neighbor's dogs go Bark, Bark, Bark and don't never goddamn shut up.


Cats go Purr, Purr, Purr 'cept when your daddy throwd them off a bridge in a pillowcase.


Armadillers are for hittin' with the truck and don't say nothin'.







Hogs squeal Oink, Oink, Oink and r hard as hell to trap.




Fun Facts








If you hang meat from a rope and tell a Pit Bull to go on and chomp on it, that Pit Bull will jump up and chomp on it and never let go of it, lest you tell 'em to let go. They'll just hang there till they die.





Momma's Ecernomics


1. You send the check you wrote to pay the power company to the phone company.

2. You send the check you wrote to pay the phone company to the power company.

By the time they send 'em back and say you mixed 'em up, you done got your paycheck to pay 'em anyways.




How 2 Grocer Shop With Momma


When yor buying pork these r the best parts to et that most don’t knowd about.


EARS-TAIL-FEET-SNOUT 

 



How 2 Make A Baby, Cordin’ To My Momma








1.     First u got to know a boy from yor school or yor work who gets along with your daddy and has a big pick-up  truck  with big wheels thats maybe high up above the ground so’s he has to lift you up to get in the seat.

2.     Then he’s got to invite you to the mud bog out a few miles from town where they take turns running there big pick ups through the mud and all of ’em get dirty until its dark.

3.     Then he’s got to drink the six pack of beer he got from the Minute Mart with his brothers I.D. and you have to drink the Malt Licker 44 that he bought you with the money the hardware store done paid him for haulin’ fence posts to Mr. Walkers.

4.     Then once you done drunk the Malt Licker you go about to kissin’ until its near on the next day but not really since he gets you home before the sun come up and before yor momma and daddy wake up.

5.     Then you just wait some until a baby shows up and then you get married after the rodeo in Macon and after he figures out to join the Army or work in the chicken plant.