Skip to main content

Dead Authors On Twitter



1.             Ernest Hemingway

    Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?








  
     William Faulkner
       And that from a writer who has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”



      Jane Austen-    Gentlemen. May we agree you are both fine writers with different styles?

     


Mark Twain

Jane, I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize yours, but your books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ I want to dig you up and hit you over the skull with your own shin-bone.


            Jane Austen-   Mr. Twain. Surely, even a man of your meager literary background and lineage must be joking?


  
  
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

     I think he is not, Jane. Whenever I peruse your novels, they seem to me vulgar in tone, sterile in artistic invention, imprisoned in the wretched conventions of English society, without genius, wit, or knowledge of the world. Never was life so pinched and narrow. The one problem in your mind. . . is marriageableness.

    
      Jane Austen- I believe I have had enough bullying and shall sign off for the night.



   
     Mark Twain – Good news for all seven of your followers.


   
  
         Ralph Waldo Emerson- Touché.


 
      Truman Capote – My, but we girls are testy tonight.


   
     Gore Vidal

     And that from a full-fledged housewife from Kansas with all the prejudices.

  
       Truman Capote – Gore-I believe Buckley awaits a rematch with you in Hell. Toute suite, dear.


   
     Truman Capote – And while you’re there, I believe Jack Kerouac is working with Buckley on some writing you can help them with. Oh wait. That’s not writing, it’s typing.


  
     Jack Kerouac- Not cool, Tru. Dig?


    
       Truman Capote – I’ll dig Jane Austen’s shin bone up with Twain and hit you over the head with it until you learn to write.


   
     Vladimir Nabokov

      Let’s stick with Hemingway, shall we? I read him for the first time in the early ‘forties, something about bells, balls and bulls, and loathed it.

     
       Ernest Hemingway

      Come by and see me some time, Vladimir. I have two twelve-year-old nieces who wish to hide from you.

      
         Vladimir Nabokov

       I must leave for the night. I cannot abide Hemingway’s monosyllabic prose any more than I could tolerate Joseph Conrad’s souvenir shop style of romanticist clichés without acquiring a tremendous headache.


        
      Virginia Woolf

       My turn. My turn. Let us pounce on James Joyce, shall we?  Ulysses is the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.”


     
         Virginia Woolf

      And Huxley. His prose is raw, uncooked, protesting.

        
     William Faulkner

      And Twain, while he’s still online. A hack writer who would not have been considered fourth rate in Europe, who tricked out a few of the old proven sure fire literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy.


     
     Mark Twain- I understood, hack, Bill, though the rest escaped me.



       
            Ernest Hemingway

      I’m with you, Mr. Twain, but it’s time to bury the hatchet. Can’t we all just get along?

.

         
      William Faulkner

     Bury the hatchet. So cliché, though not unexpected or unusual from the great Papa. My IPhone’s ringing. ICYMI  # kissmyroyalass.










Comments

  1. This is delightful! Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nisei

My new novel, published by Black Opal Books:

After the attack on Pearl Harbor, the United States government encouraged all eligible young men to enlist immediately in the fight against its enemies overseas. All eligible young men except Japanese-Americans.Nisei is the story of Hideo Bobby Takahashi, a Hawaiian-born Japanese-American who must overcome prejudice, internment, and the policies of his own government to prove his loyalty to his country.Narrated by Bobby Takahashi and read by his son, Robert, 46 years after Bobby’s death, the story details the young Nisei’s determination to fight honorably for his country and return to the young love he was forced to leave, a girl he cannot have because she is white. Nisei on Amazon

How to Make a Bad Book Trailer on a Limited Budget

The competition is tough out there, baby, with over five million books available on Amazon. So how do you stand out from the minions and get your name to be a household world among the literati? A well-written interesting book helps, but apparently it's all in the marketing. A good book publicist cost six figures, while the bottom of the publicist heap will run you about four thousand for three months of her trying to get you on the Oprah Winfrey Network.
So like most new authors, you handle your own marketing. One tool necessary for promotion is a book trailer. Again, they can cost thousands or as in my case $1.76. I downloaded Microsoft Movie Maker for free and used the $1.76 to buy an Almond Joy candy bar. With the software on my computer and the candy bar in my belly, I put together my own book trailer.
It's a bit premature to release the trailer since the book won't be out till the end of the year and my new website is still in production, but common sense has never st…

NEW AUTHOR WEBSITE

Please visit my new website:  www.jjwhitebooks.com
Play some chess against a computer on the site and listen to some classical music.
Sign up on the site to receive news of new books or events.
I won't sell your e-mail and I won't send you spam. Scout's honor.
I'll also be moving this blog there as soon as I can figure out how visitors can comment on it.
Also, my story The Adventure of the Nine Hole League was published in the Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine #13

JJ